Plush Pig - Zach Sherwin

Plush pig, plush plush piggy

Plush piggy-pig, plush plush piggy-piggy

Quiet.

Listen.

Hush.

Dig

Shush…

Plush pig

As a kid I had a plush pigger

I was little then, now I’m much bigger

I’m a grown-up.

Not a mere boy

And guys, my pig was a really weird toy

This is ludicrous

But that plush pig had a uterus!

Her stomach had a zipper

And you could unzip it

And pull out three little piglets

Their mouths were metal snap fasteners

And the mother had snaps attached to her

And the little pigs had to nurse

So you could take a piglet triplet

And clip it to a niplet

And yeah sure thing

It taught me about birthing and nursing

But it’s disturbing in hindsight

'Cause you get how you played with the swine, right?

You went first

Unzip the mama

Open the womb up wide

And then

Pull out the first piggy

Wave it from side to side to side

And then

It’s the second and third piggy

You pull them out to the beat

And now that you’ve delivered the litter

You gotta snap 'em on the teats!

You go snap!

Attach the first piggy

Snap snap!

And then the next piggy

Snap snap snap!

And then the third piggy!

Now get busy!

Do the plush piggy!

You go

Shake piggy piggy piggy

Shake piggy piggy

Shake piggy piggy piggy

Shake piggy piggy

Just get jiggy

It’s not tricky

Everybody’s ready to do the plush piggy!

Oh!

Plush pig, plush plush piggy

Plush piggy-pig, plush plush piggy-piggy

Quiet.

Listen.

Hush.

Dig

Shush… *oink*

Plush pig

Now maybe you’re saying to yourself

«Zach, it seems highly unlikely that

Any parent would provide their child

With such a bizarre plaything.»

Well if you’re thinking

«Wait, no.

Surely you jest

Man, you made that story up

This is purely BS.»

Well, I had my mom dig into my closet

And yes

She found that pig and sent it to me USPS!

So, first, unzip the mama

Open the womb up wide

And then

Pull out the first piggy

Wave it from side to side to side

And then

It’s the second and third piggy

You pull them out to the beat

And now that you’ve delivered the litter

You gotta snap 'em on the teats!

You go snap!

Attach the first piggy

Snap snap!

And then the next piggy

Snap snap snap!

And then the third piggy!

Now get busy!

Do the plush piggy!

You go

Shake piggy piggy piggy

Shake piggy piggy!

Shake piggy piggy piggy

Shake piggy piggy!

Just get jiggy

Do the plush piggy!

Clip a little piggy to a metal pig titty!