Half a Man - Stephen Lynch

All my days

I live with my disgrace

I’m afraid to show my face

Or at least take off my underwear

See I was born

Like a half way neutered pet

I don’t have a matching set

It’s a part of me

That just ain’t there

Please, don’t stare

Well I’m a gambling man without two dice

I’m like Uncle Ben with only one grain of rice

Oh to have two testis would be so nice

But I’m half a man

Yeah, I’m half a man

Wanna die

End it all, just call it quits

I can’t find a cup that fits

And at baseball games I feel so dumb

When I hear «ball one»?

Oh, my God

How could you have been so cruel

To give me one family jewel

And the one that’s there must feel so sad

He’s a lonely man

Well I’m a marathon runner with just one leg

I’m a fallopian tube with just one egg

Oh, I want another testi

Do I have to beg?

I’m half a man

Well I’m a tweedle dee with no tweedle dum

And I’m a Siskel and an Ebert with just one thumb

And I’m a Yo Ho Ho with no bottle of rum

I’m just half a man

Yeah, I’m half a man