Crazy Peanuts - Stephen Lynch

Charlie Brown had a big blockhead

Wore a stripy sweater everyday

Tried to kick that football but Lucy always

Pulled the motherfucker away

Flew a kite just to try to relax

But he always put that shit in a tree

And the little redheaded girl

Wouldn’t give no play to poor Chuck B

They were the baddest fuckers in the funny papers-Peanuts!

Onto a security blanket

Linus Van Pelt would latch

He snuggled into that bitch to keep warm

While waiting in the pumpkin patch

He had a stalker named Sally Brown

Well she always tried to get her some

She loved how he knew the meaning of Christmas

And the sexy way he sucked that thumb

Watch out, ‘cause here they come… Peanuts!

Oh Peanuts!

Crazy Peanuts!

A bunch of kids trying to be free

Take my hand and let’s dance now

Under Charlie’s shitty Christmas tree

Marci was best friends

With Patty Patty Peppermint

She would love to do things to that girl

That Charles M. Schultz can’t print

Pigpen was a dusty dude

Who couldn’t keep his own ass clean

All the teachers said Wa wa wa wa

Wa wa what does that shit mean?

Watch Out, ‘cause here they come… Peanuts!

Oh Peanuts!

Crazy Peanuts!

They comin' from the school of hard knocks

Life’s not always bowls of candy

Sometimes you just get a bag of rocks

Lucy was a psychiatrist

But her comments always gave offense

And the bitch couldn’t make no money

‘Cause she charged a motherfucker five cents

You know the ladies loved some Schroeder

‘Cause he played the eighty-eights real good

And Franklin was a real cool cat

But the only brother in the hood

Watch out, ‘cause here they come… Peanuts!

Oh Peanuts!

Crazy Peanuts!

Poor Charlie Brown you will never get laid

It’s so hard to get pussy

When you’re the baldest kid in 2nd grade

Oh Peanuts!

Crazy Peanuts!

A bunch of kids trying to be free

Take my hand and let’s dance now

Under Charlie’s shitty Christmas tree