Tom Cruise Crazy - Jonathan Coulton

Tom Cruise is so in love with Katie

At least all his people tell him so

And while he thinks that she’s a very special lady

It’s probably not the way he’d choose to go

But a lifetime of longing looks

Would cause too much distraction

Good thing that he’s not gay anymore

Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise crazy

Just be glad it’s him, not you

If you had Tom Cruise’s troubles

You might be Tom Cruise crazy, too

You’d flash your big white shiny smile

And buy expensive shoes

But you’d be the only man on Earth

Who couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise, oh no

You couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise is always getting older

He knows he’ll never be that young again

And when Tom Cruise looks back over his shoulder

He sees a thousand younger leading men

He knows someday he’ll have to play

An old, retarded grandpa

While someone younger plays his sexy son

Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise crazy

Just be glad it’s him, not you

If you had Tom Cruise’s troubles

You might be Tom Cruise crazy, too

You’d flash your big white shiny smile

And buy expensive shoes

But you’d be the only man on Earth

Who couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise, oh no

You couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise hopes somewhere there’s a place for him

Because he’s not of this world anymore

Somewhere in some secluded castle

Poor Tom Cruise sits staring at the wall

And the outside world is always such a hassle

Sometimes he won’t go out at all

There are millions who know his name

Everybody loves him

Why is it that he feels so alone?

Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise crazy

Just be glad it’s him, not you

If you had Tom Cruise’s troubles

You might be Tom Cruise crazy, too

You’d flash your big white shiny smile

And buy expensive shoes

But you’d be the only man on Earth

Who couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise, oh no

You couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise