TOSGANO - Daveed Diggs, Stanley Tucci

It’s very rare that I have to recommend a TOSGANO

What’s a TOSGANO?

That’s my little acronym

What’s it stand for?

This one sucks, get a new one

You’ve got a dog, but the situation’s hairy

And by that, I mean naughty

And it’s getting pretty scary

It don’t act like a pet, no

This is a TOSGANO

Let me spell it out for you

It’s T-O-S-G-A-N-O

This one sucks, get a new one

It sucks, it sucks so friggin' much

It sucks so friggin' much

This one sucks, get a new one

I can’t get rid of it fast enough

I can’t get rid of it fast enough

You don’t need a license to be a pet therapist, do you?

No, ma’am

So, under what circumstances would you recommend a TOSGANO?

Is it like, is it like if it pees wherever it pleases?

(Eh)

Won’t get a job and watches too much TV?

(Uh-uh)

What if it gives you a dumb, blank stare?

(Nope)

Or flashes his lipstick out of nowhere?

That does suck, but it’s not enough

For a TOSGANO guarantee, an H-A-B is what you need

Another acronym?

(Yes)

Which stands for?

«Hazardous Antisocial Behavior»

Which means?

Biting, but Shampagne’s never bitten anyone, right?

(Hm)

This therapist’s breath is stinkin'

Like a dirty dog, but it’s got me thinkin'

There’s a plan cooking in my Helen melon, that could be fruitful

How to get rid of that shitzadoodle

All my dreams will come to pass

If I can get Shampagne to bite Bitsy’s ass

Oh my God, my puppy’s growling at me

And it’s got me yellin'

Who’s gonna save me?

Helen!

This one sucks, get a new one

It sucks, it sucks so friggin' much

It sucks so friggin' much

This one sucks, get a new one

I can’t get rid of it fast enough

I can’t get rid of it fast enough

Why are you laughing?

Is it because of my job?

Yes, let’s say yes