The Fastest Tortoise on the Planet - Dan Bull

Hello, it’s Dan Bull

Guinness World Records have challenged me to make a song using content from

their books

Guinness World Records 2016, Guinness World Record 2016 Gamer’s Edition

I said I could make songs about anything

So uh

Challenge accepted

Here we go

If you’re a tortoise

It doesn’t matter

You can still be the fastest tortoise on the planet

Practice makes perfect

So put the work in

To succeed isn’t free

You’ve got to earn it

Take every calorie and burn it

Take every curveball that hits you, return it

Take every lesson and learn it

Until the fact you’re the best is the verdict

Whether you do it alone or play in a team

The world’s one big arcade machine

There’s seven billion of us playing

Each unique

Get engaged in the game

And then chase your dream

Take control

Roll with the punches

Break the mold

Take a stroll on your crutches

Refine your craft and your talent

'Til nobody else on the planet can touch it

I want to be the biggest

The strongest

The oldest

The youngest

The fastest

The longest

I wanna be the largest

The tallest

The brightest

The darkest

The hardest

The smallest

I wanna be me

I wanna be the best I can be

I wanna be me

I wanna be the best that I can be

My goodness (x8)

Look

If there’s anything the tortoise taught us

It’s to never tread water

Never cut corners

To take no quarter

When you break those borders

Whether you

Deform your face

Eat all the grapes

Or crush a biscuit betwixt your shoulder blades

Grow your fingernails out

Run in clogs

Spit flames

Raise funny dogs

What are you the best at?

Better than the rest at?

What are you self taught?

Or genetically blessed at?

Whoever you are there’s a record you can set

Fact

When I said you’ve got potential

I meant that

And approach each unique plan

Two thumbs up

On each hand

Write it down with the world’s biggest ball point pen

And then

Do it all again

To the end

I want to be the biggest

The strongest

The oldest

The youngest

The fastest

The longest

I wanna be the largest

The tallest

The brightest

The darkest

The hardest

The smallest

I wanna be me

I wanna be the best I can be

I wanna be me

I wanna be the best that I can be

That was alright, wasn’t it?