Rugbuggery - Dan Bull

They call me Douglby

I tackle issues like ruggleby

A blend of gentlemanliness and thuggery

I’ll glass you with some very expensive bubbly

Bloody luxury

Bone cutlery protrudes from your wounds, buggery

Ooh, a scrummage, lovely jubbly

A useful excuse to induce you to cuddle me

The two teams squeeze together quite snugly

Rummaging and fumbling with undiscovered subtlety

Beneath the scrummaging, we’re being all couply

I’m roughly as politically correct as

Little Huckleberry Finn using epithets

No longer customary

I’ll get with your ex then apply for custody

Of your little buggers then we’ll bugger off to Tuscany

I’m in your cuff links and tux living comfortably

Bloody luxury, being you, sucks to be

Whether you rap

Whether you rock or whether you roll

I insist that you relinquish all control

We’re playing rugby and the ball’s your soul

So pass it back to Dougbly and we’ll all go home

Rap’s raconteur back on tour

I’ll blap a crap reviewer, sacre bleu, huh

That’s one fewer wrongdoer

I’m long due an apology

And I want you to give one to me

If you ever listened to a rapper and it wasn’t me

I’ll pull off my trackie bottoms

And give you a tracheotomy

I’ll leave you looking like a child eating broccoli

Ticking you off saying, «Chew your food properly»

I operate a strict sick lyrics only policy

So originality’s a pretty big priority

I lyrically precede the Iliad and Odyssey

They found my lyric pad within a Celtic monastery

Follow Gilgamesh’s geneology through ptolemy

Anyone of quality, they probably just copied me

So, are my sonnets prophecy or an anomaly?

A little bit of column A, a bit of column B

Whether you rap

Whether you rock or whether you roll

I insist that you relinquish all control

We’re playing rugby and the ball’s your soul

So pass it back to Dougbly and we’ll all go home