Magic: The Swaggering - Dan Bull

MTG

Arena

Question

How does a man that’s never played Magic

Rise to the top so fast and dramatic?

Winning my first and only competitive tournament

That went down as a classic

Let’s go back to the past

Back to when I was young and naive

I was asked to compete for some reason

They probably wanted some comic relief

I was an amateur

But in Magic I saw a challenge

It was calling out

And I was forced to answer it

And join the gathering

Before I knew it it was actually happening

I happened too fast to be panicking

I was packing my bags and was travelling

To an international competitive celebrity battle

Of Magic: The Gathering

I’m winning at Magic: The Gathering

My win ratio’s actually staggering

The top slot on the whole of our planet’s

The only one that I’m inhabiting

I’m winning at Magic: The Gathering

My win ratio’s actually staggering

The top slot on the whole of our planet’s

The only one that I’m inhabiting

Whatever your tribe

They better be hiding

When I arrive at the arena

I’m getting behind the enemy lines

Your mind and the meta is mine

I clean up

Me and Autumn are sweeping the board

Tap lands for all the mana we can afford

There’s no way we’re leaving the tournament today

Without receiving awards

I was taught by the awesome Autumn Lily

But that’s not important really

Because of course I’m clearly the one with the skill

They merely brought it to me

Yeah they might have built my decks

But I was buffed already, want to feel my pecs?

Yeah that wasn’t even a real hard flex

Next time I deal cards I will cast Hex

I’m a swell singer when I start my sets

I’m a Spellslinger with my starter sets

Sat focused

Known as the Black Lotus

'Cause I’m playing hard to get

But Magic cards aren’t the only commodity I collect

I’m also amassing a mass of the massivest wins

With which I command respect

I’m winning at Magic: The Gathering

My win ratio’s actually staggering

The top slot on the whole of our planet’s

The only one that I’m inhabiting

I’m winning at Magic: The Gathering

My win ratio’s actually staggering

The top slot on the whole of our planet’s

The only one that I’m inhabiting

I have the highest win rate

Of any professional Magic: The Gathering player

In the world: 100%

And I’m gonna keep it by never playing competitively again

This is but a toast

To Wizards of the Coast

With tabletop gaming

They’re killing it the most

I guess I shouldn’t boast

But every other competitor in it

Has just given up the ghost

I’m kicking Nicol Bolas in his old ass

Booting him into the tall grass

Hold fast when I control the whole stack

Your cards spinning round like a draft

Till they’re all tapped

Came forward for the fame, fortune

And acclaim forcing every game my way

Even when I shuffle I maintain order

I’m the main draw

Look at the day’s scoreboard

And my name’s always in the same old place

Raise the stakes like I became taller

Playing me’s an inhumane slaughter

So remain cautious Planeswalkers

I’m a plain talker

But I use words like an acclaimed author

Drawing mana from all the plains

I’m dropping down like rainwater

When it rains, it pours

When I reign, I pause

Never change the scores again

I came, I saw, I conquered

And left the tournament in scorching flame

I’m winning at Magic: The Gathering

My win ratio’s actually staggering

The top slot on the whole of our planet’s

The only one that I’m inhabiting

I’m winning at Magic: The Gathering

My win ratio’s actually staggering

The top slot on the whole of our planet’s

The only one that I’m inhabiting

100% win rate

The highest of any professional Magic: The Gathering player

In the world

And I’m gonna keep it by never playing competitively again