I Want to Be a Child Star - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast, Luca Padovan

Every night I lie awake

Dreaming of my big break

I just gotta act and dance and sing

'Cause I only ever wanted one thing

I wanna be a pre-teen Hollywood trainwreck

A cautionary tale

I want the kind of fame

That’ll warp my brain

And eventually land me in jail

I want to sue my parents for emancipation

When they’re caught stealing from me

I want to be on the set

Of The Walking Dead

When I lose my virginity

I want to be a child star

It’s gonna be bad

Child star

It’s gonna be sad

Oh, yeah

Childhood is overrated

I’m ready for mine to end

I want to have agents and assistants

Instead of actual friends

I’ll be abusive and emotionally stunted

But everyone will tolerate me

They’ll have no choice

Because my face and my voice

Will make them so much money

I want to have a teenage Hollywood meltdown

Be a pop-culture casualty

I want a bunch of addictions

To illegal prescriptions

And completely lose touch with reality

I want to squander everything I’ve worked for

And spiral out of control

I want to wake up in Van Nuys

With a bunch of sketchy guys

Whom I’ve never even met before

I want to be a child star

Who are you guys?

Child star

Can I have some more money?

Oh baby, I’ve hit rock bottom.

I can’t live like this.

It’s time to get my act

together.

Re-focus on my passion

(sung)

I want to be a desperate Hollywood has-been

A classic «Where are they now?»

I’ll try to clean up my act

And get my agent back

And salvage my reputation somehow

I’ll do a lot of community service

And apologize to Meryl Streep

I want to be that former child star

That you see in bars

And say, «Hey, there’s that bloated, bankrupt Hollywood creep!»

Child star!