In The Papers Today - The Hotknives

Well the 2.48 was a minute too late

And the planning permission refused on the gate

Or the crisis with whatever food this week

Someone else won a million and blew it on shares

And the adverts for stair-lifts which glide up the stairs

And the bingo card inside is yours to keep

For the little old lady it was love at first sight

From the renegade butler who wore makeup at night

To the boy in the car, who was speeding by far

It’s just what they say, in the papers today

Giant bees by the thousand are making a swarm

And it’s nobody’s fault, just the winter was warm

And it’s someone famous' secret out to see

There’s a three hour delay on the M25

And a swimmer who’s ninety who’s barely alive

And a vicar who says mass on ecstasy

For the little old lady it was love at first sight

From the renegade butler who wore makeup at night

To the boy in the car, who was speeding by far

It’s just what they say, in the papers today

Glossy magazines with happy homes and healthy beans

People’s lives all stripped down to the core

Scandals, politicians and the faces on our screens

Designer suits and other suits of law

They saw Elvis again on the ten O’clock news

Though the desk would have covered his new blue suede shoes

Lord Lucan owns a pub just down the road

There’s a girl on page seven who’s covered in tears

Says goodbye to her man for another eight years

And a boy of three just cracked a complex code

For the little old lady it was love at first sight

From the renegade butler who wore makeup at night

To the boy in the car, who was speeding by far

It’s just what they say, in the papers today