We’re Havin’ A Baby - Ray Stevens

When we were having our first baby

The wife said to me, «Maybe

We should have this child the natural way (The natural way)

Without drugs or medication

But in peaceful meditation

We’ll start this child out on its merry way»

So we enrolled into a school and learned to breathe both out and in

Then proudly told our family and our friends

We’re having a baby (Baby) the natural way

We’re having a baby (Baby), we’re happy to say

This child will enter into life in sweet tranquility

The way the old folks did it all down through history

Queens and peasants have both done it, so just how hard can it be?

We’re having a baby (Baby) the natural way (The natural way)

Our reluctant obstetrician

Made just one one condition

We could have the child naturally, but in a delivery room

So we kept breathing and rehearsing

'Til the day came for the birthing

Then my wife said sweetly, «Let's go, dear, the baby’s coming soon»

So I grabbed our bags and drove her there and got her all checked in

But neither one of us was ready for all that happened then

She started having that baby (Baby) the natural way

She started having the baby (Baby) and I’m sorry to say

Well, there was yelling, screaming, bleeding

And the cursing of my name

We forgot how to breathe when the labor really came

Then she yelled, «Nobody told me that there’d be this much pain!

I’m not having this baby (Baby) the natural way!

(The natural way)»

I said, «Now, now, honey, pant and puff»

She said, «Shut your mouth, I’ve had enough!»

And then from the pit of Hell, there came a primal scream

She got me in a tight chokehold

Grabbed the doctor by his stethoscope

And then a voice from The Exorcist said, «Give me morphine»

They gave her a shot, she relaxed her grip and I passed out on the floor

The baby came, she did just fine, in fact, we had two more

But we didn’t have those babies (Babies) the natural way

We had those babies (Babies), I’m happy to say

In an air-conditioned hospital with every modern aid

With syringes filled with the very best painkillers ever made

You can bet your life there’s one thing that you’ll never hear us say

«We're having a baby (Baby) the natural way (The natural way)»

You know it just ain’t natural having a baby the natural way

Hey doc, could we have a little more painkiller over here?

Thank you

I think my wife could use a little too, heh-heh

We’re not having a baby (Baby) the natural way