The Labourer - Momus

I’ve come down from Barnsley to Hampstead for the day

Just to see if Father and Mother are okay

Mother in her apron and Father in his vest

Dressed just like they were the very day I left

Father is sarcastic, he sniffs about my suit

Mother asks how work’s going, is the mining good?

Tungsten carbon drill-heads really cut the rock

«Tungsten carbon drills?»

says Dad, «That's bloody fancy talk!»

Mother says it’s stress, Father’s having a hard day

Tomorrow the National Theatre’s premiering his new play

But when I say «Oh, that’s good!»

Father flies into a fit

«Good?»

he pouts, «That's good?

What do you know about it?»

«What do you know about having to drag yourself up at 5 o’clock

To fly to Paris for TV and press interviews then hurry back

To the Old Vic at 12 for drinks then having to write three acts

About a gay nymphomaniac drug-addict who murders a Scottish footballer with an

axe?»

«There's more to life than culture, Father there is sweat

Coal-mining is wonderful, though you’ll never understand it

Look what you’ve done to Mother, she’s worn her hands to the bone

Attending premieres and meeting film-stars and giving gala luncheons!»

«There's nowt wrong with gala luncheons, son!»

my father shrieks

Then clutches at his wrist and sinks to his knees

Mother says it’s writer’s cramp, I’d better be away

But Father says «Hang on, Mother, here’s the germ of a play!»