Heliogabalus - Momus

The deaths he caused were accidents

He committed no murder

Oh yes, some died of fright when they woke up in the night

To find a leopard in the room where they’d been lain after the feast

They should have known, those silly fools, the beast was tame

Heliogabalus wasn’t to blame

For the deaths I’m illustrating in this quilt

Heliogabalus cannot share any guilt

Cannot share any guilt

Some lived to suffocate under the suffocating weight

Of a thousand fresh-cut blooms

He sent cascading from the ceiling of his room

Upon a crowd of his admirers

How was he to know some sybarites

Would drown beneath the flowers?

If a parasite can’t swim should we blame him?

He was blond, he had blue eyes, he was completely without guilt

As I intend to demonstrate in my Heliogabalus quilt

They condemn his four year reign, his naked chariot team

The deadly snakes released in the forum at the climax of the games

His nights of gay debauchery, rushing through the slums

Disguised as tavern potboys, perfume sellers, barbers

Such exaggeration, such slanders!

If you’d been emperor of Rome at the age of just 15

Wouldn’t you have done the same?

So why then does his name

Retain the mantle of the evil always claimed by joyless vultures

To explain the strange allure other cultures?

Heliogabalus wasn’t to blame

He was beautiful and sexy and completely without guilt

As I intend to demonstrate right here in this quilt

Condemn me freely if you wish

But when my quilt is finished

I intend to sleep as soundly and as well

As Heliogabalus in hell