Explain Capitalism to Me - MC Lars

Hello, 7−11,

Hey, what time are you guys open until?

Uh, we open 24 hours

Uh, you guys have Slurpees?

Yes, we do

What’s the best flavor you guys have?

Huh?

What flavors do you have?

We got Coke, Strawberry, Purple-berry, Cherry, Black Raspberry,,

and Mountain Dew

I’m, uh—we're, uh, on vacation from Phoenix, we’re, I’m in a band called the

Firebirds, it’s a K-Pop band, if we perform, can we get a free Slurpee?

No, you can’t

Do you think we could perform outside and make some money and pay for the

Slurpee through that?

No, you can’t do that, because if the cops come, they will arrest you

Because I don’t have a performance license?

No, because it’s late

Can I do—

You’re not allowed to do any performance after 10

So tomorrow morning around, uh, 11, maybe?

Uh, no

What time?

11 am

Um, no, you guys can’t.

You gotta go through the company

Can I do it, like, down by the beach and then take the money?

Um, that’s up to you guys.

We’re not involved with that part

We just want it, because, like, we’re on vacation and we ran out of money,

'cuz we were like, we paid it all in the hotel and we’re on vacation

I don’t know

Well, uh, we’ll come by, we’ll probably get the Cherry one!

Um, that’s up to you guys, but, yeah, you just can’t perform here

Will we get in trouble if we perform and get one, and like, the Cherry one?

Huh?

Like, if we buy the Cherry Slurpee, will we get in trouble?

Or, like,

if we bought one of the specific Slurpees—

Um, hello?

Is there a better possibility we won’t get in trouble?

If you guys buy it, yeah, you guys won’t get in trouble

But, like—

But if you guys don’t, then yeah, you will get in trouble

Is there one that’s safer?

Like, the Blueberry, because less people want it?

I took—

Huh?

Like, I took, I was wondering if there was a correlation between Slurpee and

potential of not getting in trouble with the Quiet Police.

You know what I’m

sayin'?

Like if we perform, and then buy a Slurpee that is less popular… I …

That’s up to you guys if you guys wanna perform, but yeah, you’re not allowed

to perform on the 7−11 property, you’re free to perform somewhere else,

and if you guys do make the money, then you guys can come over here and buy

your Slurpee

I- uh, I— … okay, here’s what we’ll do.

If we make enough, we’ll buy you a

free Slurpee and give you our new CD called «Straight Outta Phoenix.»

But um … we only work 'til 6, so …

Okay, well we’ll be by—we'll be by before 6

Well, you guys can’t perform even before 6

Oh, then we’ll do it tomorrow.

We’ll come like—

And you guys gotta do it, like, maybe in, um, about 8, 9 o’clock.

'Cuz that’s when, uh, my guess

If we write a song about 7−11, will you play it in the store on your CD player

and give it to you?

Oh, no, we’re not allowed to do that, it has to go through the main company

Okay, I’ll call them

Okay

Thanks!

I can give you the number

Oh, d’you have it?

Yes

Okay, I’ll call them, and aloha, that means, «goodbye again» in Hawaiian, too,

right?

Aloha-ha-ha!

Goodbye!

Goodbye