High As F%#k - Jon LaJoie

Have you ever watched the sun go down?

And you’re thinking bout' the world spinning round

Have you ever been high as fuck?

You’re in the bathroom mirror talking to yourself

And your dog’s looking at you like you need help

Have you ever been high as fuck?

And then you feel your heart pumping really fast

And you’re convinced that you’re gonna have a heart attack

Have you ever been high as fuck?

You close your eyes and you’re on a chicken farm

The only problem’s that the chickens have human arms

You say «that's fucked up, why do the chickens have human arms?»

You need snacks so you walk to the corner store

But you’re scared because you think that they will know you’re high

So you walk around the block to buy some time

You finally decide to go into the store

But you’re so high you don’t know why you’re there anymore

So you just buy a pack of gum and get the hell out of there

You’re walking home and you’re mouth is dry

You should have bought some juice and snacks

But you were too high

Thinking 'bout ketchup chips

And for some reason the game battleship

And you start thinking about how fun it was to play games

Like battleship when you were a kid

And how, as we get older we forget how to play and just to enjoy ourselves

So you say «Guess What?

I’m gonna make up a game right now

And it involves a baseball bat and a porcupine

And I’m gonna try to kill a porcupine with a baseball bat

But then you don’t know where to find a porcupine so

You do a search on e-bay but people don’t sell porcupines on the internet

And you say «Guess what world?

you’ve got me cornered again

I’m gonna roll another joint»

You ever eat a whole bag of crackers that were so old

That they weren’t crispy anymore?

Have you ever been high… as fuck?