Smell My Beard - Frank Zappa

George:

Oh, Lord have mercy.

.

FZ:

And he hits his thumb and he hurts hisself.

Yes it hurts very much,

but he likes pain.

We can tell that he likes pain because he’s in this group

George:

But, but, its very close to other things.

.

FZ:

Yes but later that night after George was finished fondling the booger pasty,

a thought came to his mind, how, how can I possibly get any nook tonight in

(pasege ?) if I don’t put this thing down and play the piano and get funky for

these people.

And so George, as you say in your language, took it away.

.

George:

But before we get funky, the continuing stories of.

.

Napoleon:

Moontrick.

.

George:

No, this ain’t moontrick this time, we go to moontrick next show.

This is the continuing stories of the boogers of Marty Perellis.

Do you all know who he is?

There he is.

Hes got a white shirt on an a.

.

FZ:

Your two-hunderd and fifty closest relatives, the Mothers of Invention.

.

George:

Yes, anyway, he was in my room.

I invited some people over.

Young ladies.

They looked interesting.

Their names shall go unmentioned

FZ:

The reason they looked interesting is because they apparently were intelligent

enough to dress themselves

George:

Anyway what was happening was.

.. nothing.

Ha ha, wasn’t nothing happening.

So I said Lets get this party on the road.

I said lemme call the roadmanager.

I said whats your name.

Mighty Perellis come down here and meet Miss Cool,

Miss Dew & Miss eh, Miss Stool.

So we, so Marty got in there and he was there

about five minutes and all of a sudden I began to hear other things.

I said what you doing over there?

I said I never heard nobody do that king of

thing before.

I said come out of that corner, whats wrong with you,

so he comissed it.

We were all asking: Men what youre doing over there?

FZ:

Really whipping it, just whipping it into a frenzy

George:

All of a sudden he was gone.

I look around and Marty had took the Booger out of

his room.

I said: Where you going?

He went down to his room which was room 33.

An hour later I went to his room.

I knocked on his door.

I said: What you doin?

He said.

.. I said: Say that again.

I said: Ho ho.

It was late.

We had an eight o clock wake up.

You all know what that is.

Eight o clock wake

up, eight o clock wake up, eight o clock wake up, eight o clock wake up,

eight o clock wake up, eight o clock wake up ahrrrrrr.

So Marty came out in

the hall and looked in the pool and he said, can I say this?

He said:

Smell my beard.

I said: You must be crazy

Napoleon:

I had to smell it.

.

George:

Show, how ywas walking Marty.

And he said: Smell my beard.

I said:

I ain’t gonna smell nothing.

Napoleon said: Ill. .

Napoleon:

Check it out, I told you, check it out, make sure.

.

George:

Anyway if you wanna hear.

.

Napoleon:

You know what it smell like.

.

FZ:

Marty’s odor

George:

Come to the next show for the continuing stories of

Napoleon:

Marty’s odor

George:

Marty’s trick.

But for now we go to.

.

See also comments to track 10 «Let's Move To Cleveland Solos»