Liquor Saved Me from Sports - Terror 2000

Jim Bean, my best friend, picks me up in his truck

In the backseat JD, my brother in law

My German penpal Helmut Jägermeister

Sends me small bottles of liquor in the mail

I know I chosen the right path

So I did the math

The call, will be answered

I will grow up to be a romancer

Hockey is for sissys, football for nerds

Bowling for grandma and her domesticated birds

Jeff, bobby, matt, those football assholes

I slam the door in their faces, they will only see laces

Liquor saved me from the sports

I rather sit by the pool in my sperm stained shorts

And get fucked up…

I want to be addicted, subjected by the booze

I’d like to wake up in the morning and feel my oze

My bitch tells me she wished I would never been born

She sits at home and mourn.

Baseball for machos

La crosse for the queer

Tap Dance for grandpa

And his conservative peers

I may have vomit on my clothes

But I still know how to break some bones

Bottoms up, buckle up!!!