A Little Priest - Stephen Sondheim

Mrs. Lovett:

Seems a downright shame…

Sweeney Todd: Shame?

Mrs. Lovett:

Seems an awful waste…

Such a nice, plump frame

Wot’s 'is name has…

Had…

Has!

Nor it can’t be traced…

Bus’ness needs a lift,

Debts to be erased…

Think of it as thrift,

As a gift,

If you get my drift!

Seems an awful waste…

I mean, with the price of meat

What it is,

When you get it,

If you get it…

Sweeney Todd: Ah!

Mrs. Lovett:

Good, you got it!

Take, for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop!

Bus’ness never better using only pussycats and toast!

And a pussy’s good for maybe six or seven at the most!

And I’m sure they can’t compare as far as taste!

Sweeney Todd:

Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion

Mrs. Lovett:

Well, it does seem a waste…

Sweeney Todd:

Eminently practical

And yet appropriate as always!

Mrs. Lovett:

It’s an idea…

Sweeney Todd:

Mrs. Lovett, how I’ve lived

Without you all these years, I’ll never know!

How delectable!

Also undetectable!

Mrs. Lovett:

Think about it!

Lots of other gentlemen’ll

Soon be comin’for a shave,

Won’t they?

Think of All them

Pies!

Sweeney Todd:

How choice!

How rare!

For what’s the sound of the world out there?

Mrs. Lovett:

What, Mr. Todd?

What, Mr. Todd?

What is that sound?

Sweeney Todd:

Those crunching noises pervading the air!

Mrs. Lovett:

Yes, Mr. Todd!

Yes, Mr. Todd!

Yes, all around!

Sweeney Todd:

It’s man devouring man, my dear!

BOTH:

And who are we to deny it in here?

Sweeney Todd: What is that?

Mrs. Lovett:

It’s priest.

Have a little priest.

Sweeney Todd:

Is it really good?

Mrs. Lovett:

Sir, it’s too good, at least!

Then again, they don’t commit sins of the flesh,

So it’s pretty fresh.

Sweeney Todd:

Awful lot of fat.

Mrs. Lovett:

Only where it sat.

Sweeney Todd:

Haven’t you got poet, or something like that?

Mrs. Lovett:

No, y’see, the trouble with poet is

'Ow do you know it’s deceased?

Try the priest!

Mrs. Lovett:

Lawyer’s rather nice.

Sweeney Todd:

If it’s for a price.

Mrs. Lovett:

Order something else, though, to follow,

Since no one should swallow it twice!

Sweeney Todd:

Anything that’s lean.

Mrs. Lovett:

Well, then, if you’re British and loyal,

You might enjoy Royal Marine!

Anyway, it’s clean.

Though of course, it tastes of wherever it’s been!

Sweeney Todd:

Is that squire,

On the fire?

Mrs. Lovett:

Mercy no, sir, look closer,

You’ll notice it’s grocer!

Sweeney Todd:

Looks thicker,

More like vicar!

Mrs. Lovett:

No, it has to be grocer --

It’s green!

Sweeney Todd:

The history of the world, my love --

Mrs. Lovett:

Save a lot of graves,

Do a lot of relatives favors!

Sweeney Todd:

Is those below serving those up above!

Mrs. Lovett:

Ev’rybody shaves,

So there should be plenty of flavors!

Sweeney Todd:

How gratifying for once to know

BOTH:

That those above will serve those down below!

Sweeney Todd: What is that?

Mrs. Lovett:

It’s fop.

Finest in the shop.

And we have some shepherd’s pie peppered

With actual shepherd on top!

And I’ve just begun --

Here’s the politician, so oily

It’s served with a doily,

Sweeney Todd:

Put it on a bun.

Well, you never know if it’s going to run!

Mrs. Lovett:

Try the friar,

Fried, it’s drier!

Sweeney Todd:

No, the clergy is really

Too coarse and too mealy!

Mrs. Lovett:

Then actor,

That’s compacter!

Sweeney Todd:

Ah, but always arrives overdone!

I’ll come again when you have JUDGE on the menu!

Have charity towards the world, my pet!

Mrs. Lovett:

Yes, yes, I know, my love!

Sweeney Todd:

We’ll take the customers that we can get!

Mrs. Lovett:

High-born and low, my love!

Sweeney Todd:

We’ll not discriminate great from small!

No, we’ll serve anyone,

Meaning anyone,

BOTH:

And to anyone

At all!