Jesus Was an Atheist - Rick Springfield

Jesus was an atheist, he was a friend of mine

We hooked up in temple, back in Roman Palestine

We became friends, it was the best of both worlds

I was good at stealin' silver, he was good at pullin' girls

He said they’re going to kill me, when we go out smokin'

I thought he meant the cigarettes, but Jesus wasn’t jokin'

Mary was a pragmatist, and virgin rolled in one

One day she said to Joseph, «Joe, I think the time has come

Your boy needs to get a job, try the laundromat»

Joseph said, «He ain’t my boy, I think we settled that»

Mary said something about semantics with a smile

Joe said, «I'm going drinkin', I’ll be back in a little while»

I heard somebody say Jesus was a Capricorn

Jesus told me once, on the day he was born

A giant super nova exploded in the sky

He said he didn’t know, what it was supposed to signify

I lost touch with him, and he lost touch with me

The next thing I remember, he was big in Galilee

We were walkin' in the desert trading big hits from a bong

They said it was 40 days, it didn’t seem that long

I was trying to talk him out of such a pointless sacrifice

He said it was the only way to get to paradise

I said, «You might be high», he said I was mistaken

But watching him die was truly heartbreakin'

Jesus descended, I guess you’d call it that

I’m down here, baby, what the hell you lookin' at?

I sometimes wonder if we’d stay friends

How am I to change the way this party ends?

I know you all believe that Jesus was divine

Jesus was an atheist, he was a friend of mine