Frontman in Heaven - Okkervil River

I’m trying to transmute tap water into wine

Out here, somewhere in this Las Cruces motel room

The floor and ceiling vibrate, so I can barely stand

«Calm down,» says the Sky Man, «you're injured»

I dreamt last night I was halfway up the ladder to heaven

And I shot up this morning with an attitude

I charged through the city

And I wandered the streets

Trying to get answers with just my irresistible smile

Shouting, «Who will provide the celestial blueprint we need?»

Echoing voices zigzag in the night

In and around forest-view apartments

To crack a bay window and feel the fair winds

She throws back her head, and she lifts up her hands

She drives herself into an amphetamine madness

She says, «Tell me, just tell me I was right»

And she’s taken all the wrong pills

Her voice begins cracking

Her eyes open, staring at nothing

Do you get what I’m saying?

I feel my heart beating

I wonder how I couldn’t keep it from coming on

I want you so much in this wild desert heat that it’s scary

But I know I have done so much that could be construed as damage

And there’s something bad within me that makes me want to take advantage

When you’re tripped up, slipped up, blonde hair and black-lipped up

With all those silk straps 'round your ankles

I feel myself convinced we could do whatever all night

It’s high time we broke completely free of all control

Hi there!

How are you?

Well, I feel like my brain just exploded

Tell all your girlfriends I’m beautiful, I’m beautiful, I’m someone

Tell them it’s breezy and warm down here in this strange place

I will wake in the morning displaying the mark of a new man

Whose whole world has altered in front of his stupefied face

I recall when things were way more fun around here

But the Sky Man reminds me I’m almost a ghost of myself

It seems to me everything fine fell away

I’ve seen the forests burn and learned you have to arm yourself

It’s gonna be a funky fresh Christmas, and I don’t think I can handle it

When there’s so little dignity in anything

Do you feel what I feel?

And Christ, will you watch my back where I do roam?

To a room full of murderous boys with no songs of their own

I feel sick, I feel compromised all the way down

Like an eagle with all of its feathers plucked out

Can you see it in your mind?

I was inconsiderate and cold

But I can change if it’s such a big deal to you

I watch the dying sun sink on those jerk-offs in their convertibles

Went a little out of control, oh, with the boys out in the parking lot

Loneliness blinded me

Down in the peanut-shell bars

Wild, wild nights, heavy romance

There was Percodan spilled on the dancefloor

There were corpses in plain sight, and they were just walking around

And the good old boys on their leatherette want a woman who was down for

whatever

I learned to be compassionate by watching those working girls smile

Heaven was lying 'neath my feet like some wall-to-wall carpeting

And sometimes I believe that there’s actually no such thing as love

And one of these days I might not be so good to you

Can you see what I’m saying?

Come and sit where I’m sitting, oh darling

Because now I understand that it wasn’t you who held me back

There were forces beyond my control, and maybe I held myself down

All of that money, it gets so hard to stay yourself around

But girl, give me just one little chance, well, show me some trust again

I will sing your soul far away, up to a sparkling star

Where all our old friends will be waiting

Hold my hand and sigh in a soft whisper

That you don’t just care about getting what you paid for

And on the day that I finally die, well, I just might start screaming

In the one private instant I cross over that unseen line

The last remaining species of birds will be singing away

Singing goodbye to my tastes, and my face, and L. A

Goodbye to New Mexico and Texas

When I’m gone, I know there will be some things I miss

Hold me and help me remember

'Cause it’s almost time

We are born wired-up, and our heads are all flooded with messages

That get harder to pick out, except at the start and the end

And you

My weeping friend

I can’t wait to describe to you what I’ll see up there

Though I’m sure it will be an adjustment

There are voices calling me from down the hallway

There are voices that filter up through the silence

And «Calm down,» says the Sky Man, «you're raving»

So all right

Nighty-night

Nighty-night

Oh, nighty-night