Kuya Derrick - NAK, Derrick Engoy

I, am confused

But maybe it was designed to be that way all along

It’s like an apple in a tree full of lemons like

David in the sea of giants

A loud bully bringing rifles to a food fight

Like a megaphone trying to disguise itself as a librarian

It’s like 1930 in Stockton

Like 1904 in St. Louis

It’s like I’m in the '80s all over again

The only Sharpie in a block full of crayons

Flip-flops in a bin full of Cortez’s

A bowl haircut in a barber shop lined up with high-top fades and Activator Juice

They say it’s 5 o’clock somewhere in the world so I’ll just sit here

Waiting for my drink

My numbing agent, my escape from all that is real

Nibble on some peanuts, maybe a banana or two

My mother always said I needed more potassium so better make that three

And since I’m a monkey anyway, might as well make that four

See, they used to call us monkeys

You know little brown one’s at that

I used to crawl along alleyways just to fit in

Was the smartest at math but always played ignorant

Secretly wanted to be a stuntman in a pursuit of career in engineering

Or nursing or engineering or nursing

Because it’s what we brown monkeys do

But I

I am more than that

I am more than brown skin, black hair

Brown eyes with a slight tilt

I am more than rice and fish

Son of immigrant parents

Island-born, mainland raised

I am stranger

Foreign land-dweller but I belong

I am here

Pioneer

Innovator, citizen, tax-paying civilian

Working just as hard as the next person

But this time I will not conform

I will not shuck and jive for your entertainment

I will not be him or her or them

I will simply be me

I will not be Christian for the sake of religion

I will not be Catholic for the sake of family

I will not put on a show so you can consume yourself into pious debt

And while we’re at it

I am Christian but I am defined more by Jesus than I am doctrine

I am also frustrated

I am frustrated by you

The place where foreigners, strangers, immigrant land-dwellers are supposed to

feel at home

The down-and-out addicts, feminist Democrats, independence

Gender abuse students, the inebriated vagrant, the scientific scholar

See, I grabbed a book off the shelf yesterday

The jacket sleeve went mysteriously missing like my identity every time I go

home

So I had no idea what the book was about

But for some reason I could tell it was strong by the spine because it had one

Unlike you

At least I could read the book for what it is

So when the pages flip me off to the next chapter, I am more intrigued than I

am mad

It’s surprise endings are honest

It’s inciting incident actually points in the direction of hope

It’s central characters are fodder for genuine growth

The Turett’s that you call political correctness is out of control

You self medicate on a world view with an agenda that silenced my voice

And your idea of free speech was re-sold at the 99-cent store

Even though there was a sticker clearly stating it wasn’t to be used for resale

I am more than a type-casted movie character

I am an IT technician, Asian American studies professor

But I am also Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, atheist

I am a gardener, dayworker, office assistant, a police officer, firefighter,

postal worker

I am barista, epic hipster beard and all

I am teacher, senator, entrepreneur, linecook, homemaker

I am president

I am here

I am home

And we

We are here

To stay