Another Rape Poem (Sixteen) - Mary Lambert

When I walked in

Saw your face

White teeth glint

Black t-shirt

Should have run

But I was a prize

Sixteen

Sixteen

Sixteen

I was 16 and had a boyfriend that was an idiot

Which was okay because I was also kind of an idiot

My friend and I snuck into an Army barracks late at night

She was dating an older guy who lived on the base

Suddenly I was a prize

In a building of a thousand men

Drenched in America and sweat

I’m not saying that the military raped me

I’m saying I was sixteen and I was on my period

(Black t-shirt)

There were three wolves in the bedroom who circled me

Without ever flashing their canines

Isn’t rape funny like that

I have to speak in metaphor in order to get it out

In the morning

I told myself that I drank too much

And that I cheated

And that I was so sorry

And «boys will be boys»

Weaved a different story in my head

Painted it like glitter in a swamp

Forced a laugh when I said «rough sex»

I wonder how many girls have giggled while they were raped?

I bet a lot of them

(Black t-shirt

Should have run)

Sometimes when I’m washing the dishes

The hairs on my arms stand up

And somehow thought memory turns into physical memory

And I feel my body tense up at the kitchen sink

(Saw your face)

I don’t know the science of that kind of thing

But I feel my eyes close, scared

And the movie plays and I softly say «no»

And I don’t laugh uncomfortably this time

(Black t-shirt)

Then afterwards the fury comes like a wave of ashes

And I pretend I am the biggest, most powerful phoenix

And as my hands wrap around the coffee mug in the water

I pretend they teleport through time and space to that night

And circle around his neck

And I say no a whole fuck-ton louder than I did

I guess what I’m saying is

(Saw your face)

I don’t apologize like that, anymore

(White teeth glint

Black t-shirt

Should have run

I was a prize)

When I walked in

Saw your face

White teeth glint

Black t-shirt

I should have fun

I’m not a prize