Calgary - Mark Kozelek

I arrived in Calgary today at maybe 6 PM

I walked the streets, and I walked, and I walked, and I couldn’t find a single

thing to take a photo of

Until I saw a bird that looked like a cross between a robin and a blue jay

With a long, sleek, shoehorn-shaped blue-black tail

I tried to get close enough to take a photo but he trotted away quickly

He was a big bird, but light as a quail on his feet

He wasn’t gonna try to fly away on account of me

But fuck if he was gonna let me invade his personal space

I have no idea what kind of bird he was and I’m not gonna try to Google him

Because I can tell he’s not the type who wants to be Googled

He’s here to enjoy the moment, not the social media type

He’s not looking for validation, he minds his own business

That bird was the only sign of animal life I saw today

Before dinner, I asked the woman at the front desk for restaurant advice

And she recommended a bar a block away that had snacks

I said, «Thanks, but I’m not looking for a bar, I’m looking for a restaurant»

She then recommended another bar that also happened to have food

Does Canada assume that everybody in the entire world prioritizes alcohol over

food?

I don’t mean this in a mean way, I observe for a living

I’m just curious is all, I’m not being judgemental

Then she told me about a dim sum place nearby called Two Penny

I don’t know what was going on in that dim sum place but the two waitresses

there were really nice to me

Like I was Leonardo DiCaprio or something

One recommended a variety of dishes and I asked for iced tea

She said, «Well, you’re American, so I should let you know that the iced tea

here is sweetened»

I said, «Aw man, I’m 52, I’ll end up with a bad headache if I drink sweetened

tea

I might even have a heart attack

I’ll have some sparkling water, thanks»

The waitresses were asking how long I was gonna be in town

Then recommended various places where I could go get bottled water and fruits

and vegetables for my two-night stay

One said, «Go to this place on that street»

The other said, «No, try that place on this street»

I said, «This is nice of both of you, but I’m not from here, so I don’t know

the streets

Please just tell me one place»

They told me about a place that had the word «sun» in it

And I walked in that direction but I never found it

But I did find a 7/11 and I got bottled water and oranges

I couldn’t sleep when I went back there at about 11 PM

I got a hot dog with no bread because I’m told I gotta cut back on carbs

I used to look like Mark Kozelek, now I look like one of those from Lost Lovers

Don’t laugh, it could happen to you

On my way back, I was having a cigarette outside the hotel on an empty lifeless

street

And this homeless guy came up to me slowly

His knees were all fucked up, mumbling

Tossing some white tube thing from one of his hands to the other

He said something about, «The British press won’t talk to me»

I said, «That's funny, we have something in common

They won’t talk to me either»

He kept mumbling under his breath, fidgeting.

he couldn’t stand still

I couldn’t understand him, but I said, «What's wrong?»