Here Comes the Groom - John Wesley Harding

With half an eye on history

And half an ounce of hope

Sold his soul in the vestry

Money for old rope

Been this way a million times

But now his time is nigh

He steps into the spotlight

He wants to say hi Hello, were so glad you came

Youve never seen me before

Hes so ambitious, hes so game

But yesterday he was dressed the same

Then he was so much easier to ignore

Here comes the groom

But the worlds not an inn and there isnt any room for you

But here he comes

He married into money

Just to kiss and tell

He ripped the contract open

Hes out of his shell

He looks into a mirror

Practising his poise

But it reflects so badly

The groom just gets annoyed

He gasps, he forgets his lines

Hes never done that before

The scientists say hes doing fine

This fumbling frantic frankenstein

Soon hes gonna do the dinosaur

Here comes the groom

His fingers are on the cliff edge

His head is going under

Is that applause?

No thats just thunder…

Why do you keep saying I do?

What does the bride mean to you?

Play me some puccini

Make it heavy on the strings

Walk me to the altar

The choir cant even sing

Right side for the photographs

Left side for the kids

God made me do it

So thats what I did

He coughs, loosens his bow-tie

Youve never seen him before

He kisses the bride, oh you know why

Loves one more thing you can buy

He was unfaithful before he went outdoors

(and now hes in the graveyard)

Here comes the groom…