My Brother Loves Seagulls - Jim White, Mark Kozelek, Ben Boye

I just watched «When Nietzsche Wept»

Its been 3 nights, since I have slept

I just watched a physician turned psychoanalyst

Grappling with infidelity

I watched a teacher of philosophy

Tortured by memories

From the beginning to the end

I watched, «When Nietzsche Wept»

Saw I got call on Friday that my brother went

To the emergency room, he’d been rocked by nausea

He was dehydrated and colorless from anemia

And they laid him on his stomach to test the level of his pain

And on a level from 1 to 10

It came back 10

And they filled him up with morphine

But it had no effect on him

So they pumped him up with instead

And they sent him home to his quiet humble home

In the middle of nowhere, some rainy Ohio road

I’m told that his basement is cluttery

And his weeds are overgrown

They sent him back to his quiet Ohio home

On Saturday night I called him

Though I was told not to, for he needed rest

But I called him anyhow

Because I’ve been so anxious and restless

I offered him a visit but I could sense from his listlessness

His spiritless tone

For now, he preferred to be left alone

Over the weekend I read «The Smile at the Foot of the Ladder»

To comfort me through this stressful family matter

Every 5 pages I had to leave my bedroom

To relieve my bladder

Thinking there’s so much about being younger

That I took for granted

It’s only about 50 pages and I read about 15 tonight

The clown Auguste is 40 years old, if I’m right

I remember when I was just about to turn 40

I was at a bar in Tampa when a girl approached me

She said how old are you

I said, «I'm pretty old southern belle.»

She said, «Come on just tell me, I don’t mind, just tell me.»

«I won’t mind.»

I whimpered, «I'm 39.»

She stepped back and said, «Ah you’re not old.

yet.»

And she walked off and she was exactly right

I wasn’t old.

yet

I’m checking in every few hours with Ohio

But not directly with my brother he’s too tired

With his night at the hospital

It worries me that they pumped him up «Drugstore Cowboy» style

I hope they didn’t send him off with a whole bottle

Well, my brother, my love for you is at 11

It cannot be described in words

My love for you is ineffable

I’m sitting here in a menagerie of guitars and cables and microphones

Thinking «Am I a shitty brother?»

for not flying

But I respect your wishes to be left alone

I don’t know what it means to feel the ache in your bones

But I wait for you to call while I listen to this nylon-string guitar drone

Again, last night, I watched «When Nietzsche Wept»

Another sleepless night, worrying and fretting

But in the end, Dr. Breur said «my dear friend»

Nietzsche humbly said «We are friends, I like saying that.

No one ever said

this to me, we are friends.»

And he wept and he wept like never before

«But we are 2 ships,» he said.

«Each of which has its own goal and its course,»

Then they parted ways and Nietzsche walked out the door

This morning I reread «The Smile at the Foot of the Ladder»

I wanted to read it again

In a state of mind that was slightly less distracted

The other clown Antoine, falls sick and cannot take the stage

He was a mediocre clown, who barely got laughs anyway

And then the retired Auguste steps in to take his place

And Antoine dies from a broken heart

From his tent he hears

Auguste receive thunderous applause, laughter, and cheers

And Auguste goes off into the streets

And finds everlasting peace

And when he discovered that to be yourself, just yourself

Is a great thing

And a cop beats him to death with a baseball bat

So much for Auguste’s South American plan

And some witnesses come and flip Auguste on his back

And with a broad and terrific smile, he passed

His eyes open and gazing at the silver moon

And I closed the book and I called my brother

And said, «I love you.»

I called my brother today to say I love you

He said, «They found a large kidney stone and next Tuesday they’re going to

have it removed,»

No need for laser treatments and I don’t have to pass it through

I said «Are you sure you don’t want me to visit and help out somehow?»

He said, «Please don’t take this wrong but please, not this soon.»

He said, «You keep working brother, I love your music and I love you,»

I said, «Okay, but now before I go to the fishing pier today and take some

photos of seagulls for you,»

My brother loves seagulls

My brother loves to watch seagulls

Especially when they’re flying away

He loves my photos of seagulls, hovering of the San Francisco bay

My brother loves seagulls

My brother loves seagulls

Especially when they’re flying away

My brother loves to watch seagulls

Especially when they’re flying away

My brother loves seagulls

Especially when they’re flying away

My brother loves to watch seagulls

Especially when they’re flying away

My brother loves seagulls