Bantam Cock - Jake Thackray

It was a grand upstanding bantam cock

So brisk and stiff and spry

With springy step and jaunty plume

And a purposeful look in his eye

In his little black blinking eye, he had

I took him to the coop and introduced him

To my seventeen wide-eyed hens

He tupped and he tupped as a hero tups

And he bowed from the waist to them all, and then

He upped and he tupped 'em all again, he did

And then upon the peace of me ducks and me geese

He rudely did intrude

With glazed eyes and open mouths

They bore it all with fortitude

And a little bit of gratitude, they did

He jumped my giggling guinea fowl

And forced his attentions upon

My twenty hysterical turkeys and

A visiting migrant swan

But the bantam thundered on, he did

He ravished my fan-tailed pigeons and

Me lily-white columbines

And while I was locking up the budgerigar

He jumped my parrot from behind;

She was sitting on me shoulder at the time

And all of a sudden with a gasp and a gulp

He clapped his hands to his head

Fell flat on his back with his toes in the air

My bantam cock lay dead

And the vultures circled overhead, they did

What a champion brute;

what a noble cock;

What a way to live and to die

I was diggin' him a grave to save his bones

From the hungry buzzards in the sky

When the bantam opened up a sly little eye

He gave me a grin and a terrible wink

The way that rapists do

He said, 'You see them big daft buggers up there?

They’ll be down in a minute or two;

They’ll be down in a minute or two.'