When I Die - Ill Bill

I left you outside the gates of heaven

They wouldn’t let me in

I waved goodbye as you stepped within

It’s like hell on earth without you near

I named my daughter after you

So when she smiles it’s sorta like you’re still here

It’s kinda crazy how time flies

Twenty-five years since my grandmoms died

But it feels like just yesterday when we was all laughing together

Those happy memories are so vivid, they’ll last me forever

And yet you’re still here somehow, I still feel your presence

I credit you for my inner strength, I feel it in my essence

In my soul, in my inner being, in my genetics

I wouldn’t exist if you hadn’t persisted through the trenches

I wouldn’t have been a lyricist, I owe you every sentence

Every verse I’ve ever written, your energy is kinetic

Though I’ve grown up, I’m still heartbroken, aching to cry

Hoping you’re the one holding open those gates when I die

I left you outside the gates of heaven

They wouldn’t let me in

I waved goodbye as you stepped within

It’s like hell on earth without you near

I named my label after you

So when I rhyme it’s sorta like you’re still here

It’s been a year, still in shock about exactly what happened to you

Made a song for you called «My Uncle»

I was just rapping to you

Just talking to you

I just saw you at my mother’s house

I can’t believe I just bought a coffin for you

We always feared that you would die from an overdose

God knows you loved to do drugs, it swallowed you whole

But in the end, drugs didn’t kill you, cancer did

Why do good people die young?

I don’t know what the answer is

All I know is I worshipped you as a scrappy kid

Being around you made me feel cooler than rapping did

And that’s pretty fucking cool, trust me

I was embarrassed when you started smoking crack

Honestly, it crushed me — Swept it under the rug

Started smoking weed and popping acid

But managed to not do the uglier drugs

We grew apart after my grandmother died

Homeless, in and outta jail, we stopped relating to each other’s lives

But years later, we connected once again

Not just as nephew and uncle, but as homies, we were friends

Though I’ve grown up, I’m still heartbroken, aching to cry

Hoping you’re the one holding open those gates when I die