Constant Conflicts - Hotel Books

I spent too much time erasing, not enough time changing

Blurring the lines between sick and selfish

Hoping I can grab on for just a second

But I’ve learned to take what I can get

And use the parts that make sense

And relent only when I meet my own death

And find a pace I can circumvent

When was truth less about proving a point

And just proving someone wrong all along?

I’ll rest my aching joints

To my own broken hope and swan song

But maybe I’m overworked

Because I like breaking the healing process

As a comfort when I’m aching

With this new perspective I’m finally taking

I made this bed, and I will sleep in it

The comfort of your warm sheets

Will bring me to the further flames of hell

I made this bed, and I will sleep in it

Even if our honesty is building peace into a bed of nails

Death is not a choice, and love should not be either

I’ll endure the pain if our hearts endure the weather

The only pain worse than killing with force

Is killing with neglect, I guess

And now I know that our complacent love was completely dead

I will complicate this love just to feel something

And I’m sorry if it’s clouded all the facts

The rhythm of my heartbeat changed

In the moment that I realized you were not coming back

I will complicate this love just to feel something

And I’m sorry if it’s clouded all the facts

The rhythm of my heartbeat changed

In the moment that I conceptualize the words I masked

I made this bed and I will sleep in it

The comfort of your warm sheets

Will bring me to the further flames

I will give up all I have just to go back home

I’m dropping bread crumbs

I hope you know I hate being alone

You used to make my mind clear

Now your absence does instead

I heard your dog barking in the backyard

He only does that when you’re home

And I just hope you understand

I never meant to grow apart

But I knew at some point, I had to grow

I guess I could’ve picked a better time to learn patience

But now I’m learning that I am becoming

The one who broke my heart

I was a creature of habit, but with no real intentions

I conformed to what I understood to be happiness

Or undiagnosed self-medicated approach

To getting lost in each other’s contentment

Lead to a misconception of your beauty

I still can’t believe that I lied to you

Especially because when I said it

I thought I was telling the truth

I thought I was strong enough to carry you

But now my mind is clear

And I hope you hear this

I love you