Beliefs (Upon Contact) - Hotel Books

I will stay calm and collected, but just for a moment

I have forsaken my motions and now feel broken

Caught in a radical state, feeling progressive in a way

But emptied of all structure

I feel like my life has been stripped away

Sometimes when I close my eyes

I see myself as an empty cathedral

And I can’t help but yield those, those lackluster vehicles

Tiny engines that encourage my deepening state of confusion

Without her to hold

I feel like I can’t keep control over my original visions

I’ve seen the cinematic adaptation of broken relations

But first-hand experience is the only way to understand

The emotions that come with it

Those moment of wishing things were different

Cliche it may seem, but I feel like it needs to be evaluated

Those forgotten messages I whispered under my breath

Every time I thought about the future I wanted to possess

Then those dark reminiscent nights lost in thought

When questions, not answers, is all I’ve got

Was it something I said?

If not, I promise it will be because I’m not giving up yet

I try not to speak from the heart but from my head

But today’s an exception and my words were reflected

My lungs hurt from inhaling the past

I feel like a ship with a broken mast

Following a north star, a course far, a horse par

That never wanted to meet

A path I never wanted to seek, desiring to be free

Desiring to forget the memories floating off behind me

But still somehow hoping this is all just a terrible dream

And things will go back to how I thought they were meant to be

I’m a monster to my own philosophies

Basing my happiness off of anything I can grasp that won’t kill me

Just so I can feel something

Just so this pain can mean something

Maybe not to me, but at least to somebody

And when I leave this present darkness

And harness enough self-respect to move out

Out of the stickening wall between acceptance and reluctant help

So please remove this fleeting need to feel her touch against my flesh

And replenish that ambition I once had to seek authentic love again

Because as long as we keep dreaming, our hearts continue beating

And love will find us, even if we’re sleeping