Broken Dream - HDBeenDope

It’s February 2016

I’m bout to open for Lady Leshurr at Gramercy Theater

Was booked by Christian and he picked me

And if you asked me then I never guessed he would diss me

Before we talk about the show I should tell you how I know Christian

I met him briefly through Matty

Know Matty through Matthew Henderson

Me and Hendoe go back because he used to send me linen

Grew closer more than the business but hold up let me begin this shit

I’m bout to hit the stage and I got Nick for my dj

But really he don’t dj he just play stop replay

But fuck it that’s my brother

Held it down like no one other

Gave em word to do his verse when he emerged the song cut

Fuck

Still rocked the whole crowd we tour down the stage

Hopped off the tenth cloud and back on the chase

Now months later me and Christian getting shaky

He telling me to stall but I’m tryna drop Macy’s

He said that it could go if I just change a couple things

But in spite of the game

I dropped it anyway

Check my phone got mail today

Brad and Josh from APA a booking agency

They noticed me and wanna conversate

So I took the call loved it all brought it back to Christian

He said that they won’t get me so I might as well forget them

And Matty told me do it but he still in tune with Christian

And Hendoe said he with it only do it if you feel it

Now they constantly hitting me about the moves that I should make

All the while I’m losing focus ‘cause I’m working on the tape

So I shut it all down I won’t take a call now

Once I’m done with all these songs I guess we’ll see who’s still round

I dropped the tape and two days later I got word from Brad

He said he loved it we should link to me that doesn’t sound bad

4:30 at Ruth’s Chris we ordered barbeque shrimp

Sharing through conversations bout our problem as kids

And even Christian came up and maybe this was made up

But I was told that Christian said he’ll make me do what he wants

From that moment he was a dub

I got no time if you ain’t acting right

Shook with Brad and Josh and now I’m rolling with the Acolytes

A month prior got a DM on the gram

He said his name is Scott he tours with Portugal.

The Man

Also managed the stage when I opened for Lady Leshurr

I did that show through the motion and turned him to a believer

Crazy

He said they’re playing the Bowery next month

And you do what you want but I think you should open up

And I didn’t know who they were

Like I never heard a song but I thought bout potential fans

So of course I’m down to perform

A week before the tape damn this works out great

No word from Nick but I got X to do the play stop play

I’m asking Scott at soundcheck how many songs do we got

He told me you just do your thing know you gon fuck up the spot

And yeah we did it

Back on the tenth cloud where I’m living

Getting praise from the band this was never part of my vision

I say thank you to Scott

They killed the set that I watched

Then me and X hop on the 4 we heading back to the block

Bout a week after the tape dropped on call with Brad and Josh

Conversing on where we take this and problems that we could dodge

And I briefly mentioned opening for Portugal.

The Man

Got a double take from Josh

Wait Portugal.

The Man?

I fucking love those guys and you ain’t tell us homie why

I know their booking agent

We could help you build upon the vibe

But I shrugged it off

‘Cause it was nothing lost

But I guess none of this happens if they ain’t get involved

I thank ‘em for it

Email from Brad and Josh they asking about my availablity

Ain’t expect a tour this is nothing more than some serendipitee

But I’m still moving cautious

We ain’t exempt from losses

Email from Brad and Josh congrats dog we got an offer

Oh shit it’s really happening

I hit up Hendoe this the shit we was really imagining

Let him plan the whole trip ‘cause he really was passionate

Plus my dollars ain’t shit so he really was backing it

Since the quote was looking nice we decided to buy some lights

Tryna give the folks a show not just babbling on the mic

And it is a rock show let’s bring Derek up on the road

He’s a drummer from Matt’s city he’s with it that’s a go

I hit my man J hart see if he down to turn tables

He said he’s with it long as I don’t have to play stop play you

Next I hit X to get behind the lens was his major this is major

So of course he said yes

Now the lights become a plight if we don’t got someone to work it

Matt told me Evan’s with it Hendoe told me that he’s worth it

Last my dog Kaveh that’s the BeenDope merchant

At the show you gotta see him for a BeenDope purchase

Yeah

We got the team together everything seems together

We worked the budget out so everybody eats together

Not to mention all the merch projections twenty nine cities

30k is what we expected

Started tour life wonder what is tour like

If your crew does not become your fam then you ain’t tour right

Six up in the telly those were sleeping on the floor night

Can’t afford the telly those sleeping in the Ford nights

So worth it

And since we opened didn’t always draw a crowd

Stateline was 20 people other nights was two thou

No matter the situation gave it everything I got

‘Member my mic cut at the Bahia I yelled up in the spot

Wild times that was the night that Derek almost died

Sick as shit he hit the stage and somehow came alive

Never told him but I admire him for it

Most would abort with all of the tribulations and the trials of us touring

Locked the keys in the van

No AC in the van

And it died overnight we need a leap for the van

All of this for thirty mins and v with the band

Killed the set at every show and now they tweet in demand

Now we driving back from Texas San Antonio the last show

Two days in the ford so I’m sore but I’m backing home

And if you asking if I’d do it again

The answer’s yes but I just hate how it ends

Back to basics

Back in stations

They don’t know I’m back from greatness

Will I make it headline stages

Maybe I’m just backup blazing

Back to hoping

Back and broken

Back and got no racks to show em

Back I hate it

Back I’m chasing

Back and I can’t black I aided

Uh

I think I fucked up

How I end up broke I was just twenty thousand bucks up

How I stay afloat if I say no to work and won’t budge

How I tell my bros that all them dollars promised won’t come

Can’t be this stupid

Candidly foolish

Hope we still good but know relationships can be in ruins

If I was X I’d probably hate me

Them dollars sounded like safety

Gone a month and got nothing

Ay what I’m s’pose to tell this lady bro

Really

And I sit here feeling guilty

Conversations with my mirror said he know one day he’ll kill me

But I’m running and I’m back on edge

Fuck your feelings words from Oliver

We back on bread

Now I got dollars they walk for me

I got dollars they talk for me

I got dollars they calling me

I got dollars they offing me

Oftenly offer me off the leash to alter to it all for me

I get benji but they bend me

Never thought what it’s costing me

Losing peace of mind and lately since I got it give a piece of mine

If roles were switched I would get nothing but a peace I’m fine

I’m still afloat but I got fire all around me

Where the fuck I’m s’pose to go when all this fire tryna drown me

Got a new email Brad just told me that he’s leaving

Josh just hit me said he got me

Why the fuck did I believe him

Did that show in Albuquerque got some bread for APA

I hit Josh about the payment he suddenly MIA

Matt just told me that he leaving

How the fuck my brother gone

I don’t really know the reason I just know them niggas wrong

Money come and go I’m broke again

Back to losing hope again

Death been tryna save me so I’m reaching for the rope again

I can’t reach