Takin' off Yer Hat - George Carlin

Here’s a…here’s a civic custom that I don’t understand.

Maybe, you can help me.

Taking off your hat when a flag passes by or when some jack-off at the ballpark starts singing the National Anthem.

They tell you to take off your hat.

What the fuck does a hat have to do with being patriotic?

What possible relationship exists between the uncovered head and a feeling that ought to live in your heart?

Suppose you have a red, white and blue hat.

Suppose you have a hat made out of a flag.

Why would you take it off to honor the flag?

Wouldn’t you leave it on and point it toward the flag?

And what’s so bad about hats that you have to take them off?

Why not take off your pants or your shoes?

They tell you that at the airport.

They say take off your shoes.

They tell you it’s national security, so taking off your shoes could be patriotic, too.

I started to question all of this stupid hat shit when I was a kid.

When I was a kid I was a Catholic, at least until I reached the age of reason, OK.

So, I was a Catholic… I was Catholic for about two, two and a half years, something like that.

And during that time, one of the things they told us was that if a boy or a man went into a church, he had to remove his hat in order to honor the presence of God.

But they had already told me that God was everywhere.

So I used to wonder, well, if God is everywhere, why would you even own a hat?

Why not show your respect, don’t even buy a fucking hat.

And just to confuse things further, they told the women exactly the opposite.

Catholic women and girls had to cover their heads when they went into church.

Same as in certain temples.

Jewish men have to cover their heads in those temples.

In those same temples, Jewish women not allowed to cover their heads.

So, try to figure this shit out.

Catholic men and Jewish women, no hats.

Catholic women and Jewish men, hats.

Somebody’s got the whole thing totally fucking backward, don’t you think?

And what is this religious fascination with headgear?

Every religion has got a different fucking hat.

Did you ever notice that?

The Hindus have a turban.

The Sikhs have a tall, white turban.

Jews have yarmulke.

The Muslims have a kufi.

The Bishop has a pointy hat on one day and a round hat on another day.

Cardinal has a red hat, Pope has a white.

Everybody’s got a fucking hat.

One group takes them off;

the other group puts them on.

Personally, I would never want to be a member of any group where you either have to wear a hat or you can’t wear a hat.

I think… I think all religions should have one rule and one rule only: hats optional.

That’s all you need to run a really good religion.