If You Must - Del The Funky Homosapien

It’s important to practice good hygiene

At least if you wanna run with my team

I’m 'bout to get into some shit that I’ve seen

This fool’s breath hummin' so bad it’ll melt your ice cream

They say don’t say nothing if you can’t say nice things

Sittin' too close to him on BART, like my eyes sting

I try to be subtle, hand him a stick of gum

I was a victim of breath on hum

Running his yap about what sets he from

Gotta get some gum, gotta gets him some

He turned it down, his teeth was brown

Excruciating, foreign, it was a new sensation

I had to ask the dope to pass the soap

'Cause his coat had the stench of crustaceans

Or bathrooms in a bus station

He had a can of Olde E and some raisins

Amazing… head to toe B. O

He didn’t know, used to the fragrance

'Cause as the days went without bathing

He felt manly and not like a maiden

He had one dread, and fungus

Said he worked on peoples' toilets with plungers

Girls, not the guy you would want to tongue ya

So guys take your cue from this little number

You gotta wash your ass, if you must

You gotta wash your hair, if you must

You gotta brush your teeth, if you must

Or else you’ll be funky

You gotta wash your ass, if you must

You gotta wash your hair, if you must

You gotta brush your teeth, if you must

Or else you’ll be funky

Now in class you need total concentration

But there’s kids in the back holding conversations

Crackin' on each other, and neither were poster boys

Both of 'em smell like the type that soap avoid

Coast enjoyed a leave of absence

One’s fool’s feet smelled like it struck some matchsticks

Brimstone, girls would never bring him home

I was laughin', then his friend raised his tone

And said, «Bud, you earled all over yourself,» yeah

I go so deep on your ass, you’ll be submerged

Like you need to do in water 'cause you smell like a turd

Wanna cap?

Get some courage, your feet smell lurid

Go look it up, and while you’re at it, get a cup

And squeeze the sweat out your sweatshirt and drink it or gargle

You get our vote for most stinkiest

That nigga started thinkin' of shit, said I was frail

I said he was stale

Underarms is ripe

Undergarments tight, about to leap out your holey sweats

And we holdin' bets, and after this I’m gonna collect

Nigga check, yourself

Respect yourself

And wash your mothafuckin body 'fore your sweatshirt melt

Like radioactive, no lady find you attractive

The funk got you captive

You don’t need a map, bitch

You gotta wash your ass, if you must

You gotta wash your hair, if you must

You gotta brush your teeth, if you must

Or else you’ll be funky

You gotta wash your ass, if you must

You gotta wash your hair, if you must

You gotta brush your teeth, if you must

Or else you’ll be funky