Pretend My Pain Away - Citizen Soldier

Tell my mother, tell my father

I’m so sorry I was never good enough

In your eyes I know I’ll always be a monster

Like who I am made me impossible to love

When I just needed empathy

You buried me in so much shame

I won’t apologize for who I am

No, not for one more day

I can’t pretend my pain away

I can’t outrun the pouring rain

In my head, in my head

It’s like I’m hiding a hurricane

I can’t pretend my pain away

Judge me for what I cannot change

When I’m dead, when I’m dead

You’re gonna wish you believed

You make me feel like such a burden

Like my sickness is my fault, can’t take this shame

I wish that you could see my pain just like a cancer

I’d be your hero, not a liar like you say

I can’t pretend my pain away

I can’t outrun the pouring rain

In my head, in my head

It’s like I’m hiding a hurricane

I can’t pretend my pain away

Judge me for what I cannot change

When I’m dead, when I’m dead

You’re gonna wish you believed

When I needed to be loved

You were the jury and the judge

Refused to understand

It messed me up so bad

The more you try the less you helped

It only made me hate myself

Can’t stand one second more

you never wore

I can’t pretend my pain away

I can’t outrun the pouring rain

In my head, in my head

It’s like I’m hiding a hurricane

I can’t pretend my pain away

Judge me for what I cannot change

I’m not dead, no not yet

I’m begging you to believe me