Look Out, There's A Monster Coming - Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band

Lonely, unmarried, looking for love

Life was passing me by

So I sent off my photo, hobbies and age;

Magazine marriage I tried

They say for centuries lovely Japanese girls

Have been trained in the art of pleasing men

Be lonely no more, open destiny’s door

For one dollar they arrange a meeting

My image was wrong, I didn’t like me

So I changed my personality

I bought a delux Merseybeat wig

But it was a size too big

What confidence in my new built-up shoes

So smart for winter or summer

Undetectable in normal everyday use

Look out there’s a monster coming!

Bye-bye binoculars and macintosh

Everything is just great

I take elocution, learn to speak posh

But still I can’t find a mate

Be popular, learn to play the guitar

In seven days you could be strumming

Be sociable, learn kissing technique

Look out there’s a monster coming!

Carnaby clothes, I reshaped my nose

Plastic surgery’s best

To cut down my weight off comes my left leg

I pass a swimming costume test

Are my sideboards too long

Don’t my aftershave pong?

I know my new nose ain’t runnin'

What’s wrong with my tie?

Am I getting too high?

Look out there’s a monster coming!

Disfiguring and ugly, my facial hair

I had removed electrically

I rejuvenated my energy cells

And regained my virility (grunt grunt)

(He put my hand on my heart?)

(I am changing the part?)

He had a machine for a mummy

Please be gentle with me:

I come to pieces literally

Look out there’s a monster coming!

Look out there’s a monster coming!

Look out there’s a monster coming!

(…fade)