Aquaclaus - Bob Rivers

Sitting in a department store

Bribing little kids with peppermint

Sweat on his bulbous nose

Rubber boots and silly velvet clothes

Hey Santa Claus

Steaming like a roast duck

Spitting out of pieces of his bearded fluff

Hey Santa Claus

Do what you’re told

And mind your dad and mummy

And I’ll put a little puppy ‘neath your tree

Santa Claus my friend

Did you think this job was easy?

You poor old sod, you jolly s.o.b

In the first week of December

They’ll come to crush his knees

When the kids are tugging upon his beard

He screams in agony

Schnapps is thick on his dog breath

His belly’s big and round

And he’ll dress up like a rabbit in the spring

Ho ho ho ho

Fa la la la

Fa la la la la la la la

Fa la la la la la la

Fa la la la

Sitting in a Walmart

Giving out canes of peppermint

Spitting out his ho ho hoes

Sticky fingers smearing rented clothes

Hey, Santa Claus

Dying in that hot suit

Ho ho ho ho Santa Claus