The Naming Of Cats - Andrew Lloyd Webber, "Cats" 1981 Original London Cast

They are proud, however, and they explain to their human visitors

who they are and reveal that cats have three different names:

the one the family uses daily, the more dignified name and a secret

name.

It is the cat’s contemplation of the latter that keeps felines

in deep thought.

ALL (Whispering):

The naming of cats is a difficult matter

It isn’t just one of your holiday games

You may think at first I’m mad as a hatter

When I tell you a cat must have three different names

First of all, there’s the name that the family use daily

Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo or James

Such as Victor or Jonathan, George or Bill Bailey

All of them are sensible, everyday names

But I tell you a cat needs a name that’s particular

A name that’s peculiar and more dignified

Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular?

Or spread out his whiskers or cherish his pride?

Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum

Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo or Coricopat

Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum

Names that never belong to more than one cat

But above and beyond there’s still one name left over

And that is the name that you will never guess

The name that no human research can discover

But the cat himself knows and will never confess

When you notice a cat in profound meditation

The reason, I tell you, is always the same

His mind is engaged in rapt contemplation

Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name

His ineffable, effable, effanineffable

Deep and inscrutable singular name

Name, name, name, name, name, name