Crisis - Abstract

Walk through fires I thought I had left in yesterday

I thought I had learned to circumnavigate the pain

Maybe I get high off riding waves and hurricanes

Bringing calm to chaos, knowing chaos gon' win anyway

Rush of the bomb-tick, tortured as an artist

Anxious with my love and I swear I’ve been trying to solve this

Ice in the veins of the ones I’m trying to change

'Cause I think if I can save 'em, I’ll believe I can be saved

Packing my bags and I’m on my way

Nothing you can say that can make me stay

Try to keep you where the light is

But you’re a sucker for a crisis

Way too many nights that you left me in the dark

Distance you create between us has been tearing me apart

You expect me to be perfect

Even when you know I don’t deserve it

Settled for what we believe we deserve

I believe I deserve only the worst

I let anxiety trigger my heart

Guess I felt comfortable lost in the dark

I grew up having to prove who I was

Everything I did was never enough

Reason I look for the coldest of people

'Cause I lived with evil and thought it was love

I keep repeating the patterns

The people who matter are comfortable shattering me

I give one hundred percent

Get addicted when they only give back a fraction to me

Love to be needed, but I feel defeated when I get depleted and start getting

used

I lose my temper and they flip the script and say I’m the one who’s really

causing abuse

That’s when I fight myself

Go and gaslight myself

I start thinking you’re right

Startin' to not like myself

Getting inside my head

Thinking I’m better off dead

Paint the whole bedroom red

Just so I can get it through your head

That you can’t lie and cheat then lie again to make me feel this way

Treat me like it’s me who’s got an issue when you play your games

Yes, I never lied to you but I’ve been lying to myself

Thinking I deserve less than I do, breaking out your hell

So you live with all your lies

And how’d you sleep so well those nights we had those fights?

How’d you look in my eyes?

Trick my heart just to rip apart everything inside

Packing my bags and I’m on my way

Nothing you can say that can make me stay

Try to keep you where the light is (Where the light is)

But you’re a sucker for a crisis (For a crisis)

Way too many nights that you left me in the dark

Distance you create between us has been tearing me apart

You expect me to be perfect (Expect me to be perfect)

Even when you know I don’t deserve it

Thinking the issue is you

I know the issue is me

This isn’t me saying you’re right;

this is me setting me free

I gotta know what I’m worth, gotta know what I deserve

Love is not what is familar;

love is me putting me first

I’m done with dousing myself in the gas and then lighting myself just to keep

others warm

I’m done with loving these people who treat loving me back like it was some

kind of a chore

I’m done with building a house for the people I love when they won’t even walk

to the door

I’m leaving you to leave who I was

And if anyone asks, I did it for love

You’re always getting away instead of basing this home we’re trying to build

together, you barely spend time in it

Yeah, I’m getting mad right now and angry, 'cause you push my frustrations out

the freaking roof, dude

You know my traumas and yet you play off of them all the freaking time

«I can’t talk right now,» shut your phone off again, are you kidding me?