You're a Mean One Mister Grinch (The Grinch Who Stole Christmas) - Allan Sherman

You really are a heel.

You’re as cuddly as a cactus,

And as charming as an eel,

Mr. Grinch!

You’re a bad banana,

With a greasy black peel!

You’re a monster, Mr. Grinch!

Your heart’s an empty hole.

Your brain is full of spiders.

You’ve got garlic in your soul,

Mr. Grinch!

I wouldn’t touch you

With a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!

You’re a vile one, Mr. Grinch!

You have termites in your smile.

You have all the tender sweetness

Of a seasick crocodile,

Mr. Grinch!

Given the choice between the two of you,

I’d take the seasick crocodile!

You’re a foul one, Mr. Grinch!

You’re a nasty, wasty skunk!

Your heart is full of unwashed socks.

Your soul is full of gunk,

Mr. Grinch!

The three words that best describe you

Are as follows, and I «e,

«Stink, stank, stunk!»

You’re a rotter, Mr. Grinch!

You’re the king of sinful sots!

Your heart’s a dead tomato,

Splotched with moldy, purple spots,

Mr. Grinch!

Your soul is an apalling dump-heap,

Overflowing with the most disgraceful

assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable,

Mangled-up in tangled-up knots!

You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch!

With a nauseous super naus!

You’re a crooked jerky jockey,

And you drive a crooked hoss,

Mr. Grinch!

You’re a three-decker sauerkraut

and toadstool sandwich,

With arsenic sauce!