100 Bars - Canibus

Yeah!

That’s the beat right there

I’m about to black out

With a hundred bars on some professional shit

So don’t try this at home, yo

Yo, yo, yo

My style of rhymin' is ancient like Aztecs and Mayans

Because I recognize it’s all about timin'

Me and my freestyle alliance practicin' African voodoo science

In front of twenty-foot bonfires

Lookin' skyward, calculatin' May 5, 2000

The nine planets’ll be in alignment

The arrival of the prophet in the cockpit

Of a starship the size of the Hale-Bopp comet

With mercury ion rockets

And a big-ass «Canibus Comin' Soon» poster on the side of it

I’m known geographically and intergalactically

That’s why I got extraterrestrials that wanna battle me

They even tried kidnappin' me, and they would’ve snatched me

If their craft didn’t get trapped in the Earth’s gravity

Engines stalled and failed, crashed into a farmer’s field

And that’s really what caused Roswell

Undercover operatives workin' for COM 12

Disguised as a nigga signed with a record deal

Lyrically, I’m off-scale

So all hail or get tossed towards Hell, whatever y’all feel

Bruisin' niggas, confusin' niggas like Chip Fu from the Fu-Schnickens

Hit you with nuclear cruiser missiles

Hear the wild wolf growl

Styles stockpiled for miles from the ground to the clouds

Wack niggas wanna be down but it’s not allowed

Interrupt the cipher unannounced

And you’ll get punched in the mouth

With the southpaw southern fist

I’ll bust your shit, swell your lip bigger than Bubba Shrimp

For actin' tough and shit, what a wimp

You giant Goliath niggas get shot with a rubber sling

I’m an experiment gone bad

My brainwaves on an encephalograph

Show that I’m stark ravin' mad

Your whole scientific staff’ll get killed in a nuclear blast

When I throw the Florence flask in my hand

Flammable liquids in the lab explode

And you get stabbed with all the flyin' glass

Trained to blow up commercial aircraft

Trained in chemical weapons class

Just to see how long a nigga’s breath’ll last

I put him in a leather mask, spray his ass with a can of pepper gas

Then watch him grab his neck and gag

Watch the nigga choke to death as I laugh

«You wanna battle?»

is the type of question you should never ask

Nigga, pick a tougher task, see who the fuck’ll last

Whoever lose’ll get a solderin' iron up the ass

You need to recognize

my hand is quicker than the eye

Quicker than the five-speed Jamiroquai drives

A lifespan longer than nine lives, infinite rhymes that can’t die

A nigga with a divine mind

I dedicate this to the wise, dedicate it to dimes

Dividin' myself into hundred ten times

You can’t deny the offerings I offer

Flows that glow with auroras that sparkle like water

Fly like a saucer

with the torque of a Porsche

Murder a million MC’s, then autograph all of their coffins

Been gettin' it on since I been born and I’mma live long

And I’mma be gettin' it on 'til I’m gone

Look at all the stages I been on, all the songs that I spit on

I took an oath to rip everything I get on

A nigga like me should have Carpal Tunnel syndrome

In the wrist bones from grippin' microphones this long

I’m just a small fish in a big pond

That gets pissed off, whenever I get picked on

Nigga, try to flip and get flipped on

My army march a million strong

Like the Nation of Islam with suede Timbs on

Extremely hostile

Fully armed troops dressed in frog suits and night vision goggles

A lyrical lynch mob

shittin' on niggas

Drawn to a hideous form with horns and a mink on

Duckin' down low like we in 'Nam fightin' the Viet Cong

Screamin' «Incoming!»

when I see a bomb

Speak to your leader, surrender your arms

You need about a million more soldiers to even the odds

Plus 800,000 to even consider a war

And 200,000 more to even look hard

You better drop your flag and withdraw

My cavalry charge accompanied by a blizzard of wicked metaphors

And smash y’all, attach y’all to the back of my horse

And drag y’all across the motherfuckin' asphalt

Nine out of ten niggas is frauds

You know who you are

Always talkin' about your bitches and your cars

Your jewelry and your girls, it’s like we from two different worlds

You motherfuckers really get on my nerves

'Cause I’m beyond 'em, on some futuristic cyborg shit

I close my eyes when I freestyle

So I could read what prints across them

Then raise my arms like a sorcerer

And cast a fireball into the audience

To barbecue your brain organs

You feel like you’ve been thrown in a microwave oven

I flame broil suckers then hit 'em with some more shit, the raw shit

Call my reinforcements, the Four Horsemen

Take a big piece of chalk and draw a line across the stage pulpit

I dare a motherfucker to cross it

I’ll even call my man Black Rob at two in the mornin'

Tell him it’s important

Tell him to call Sting three-way and sing a chorus

Break your camcorders, so you motherfuckers can’t record it

Call the news, I’ll kill your reporters

Start a lawsuit, I’ll kill your lawyers

Fuck the soft shit and fuck what y’all think

My album’s gold 'cause my album was the bomb shit

Y’all niggas got your ass beat 'cause you asked for it

Got your picture taken and put in a tabloid

'Cause you a man and you like to touch little boys

You fuck 'em in the ass, then you give 'em cash for it

That’s some sick shit homeboy

A hundred years ago, they’d have took you to see Sigmund Freud

You fraudulent, feminine, fragile as a feather is

With an effortless blow, I’ll crack your whole skeleton

You think you better than Canibus?

Where’s the evidence?

You got below average intelligence and poor penmanship

You need to shut the fuck up 'cause your breath stink

Take fifty cents and purchase a pack of peppermints

Battlin' me, you never win

You thought you was the only nigga that could sneak a weapon in?

Nigga, guess again

'Cause after I’m finished wreckin' this shit

I’mma drink a whole bottle of Henny and go fuck a lesbian