If You Open Your Mind Too Much Your Brain Will Fall Out (Take My Wife) - Tim Minchin

If anyone can show me one example in the history of the world of a single

Psychic who has been able to prove under reasonable experimental conditions

that they are able to read minds

And if anyone can show me one example in the history of the world of a single

Astrologer who has been able to prove under reasonable experimental conditions

that they can predict future events by interpreting celestial signs

And if anyone can show me one example in the history of the world of a single

Homeopathic practitioner who has been able to prove under reasonable

experimental conditions that solutions made up of infinitely tiny particles of

good stuff dissolved repeatedly into relatively huge quantities of water have a

consistently higher medicinal value than a similarly administered placebo

And if anyone can show me one example in the history of the world of a single

Spiritual or religious person who has been able to prove either logically or

empirically the existence of a higher power that has any consciousness or

interest in the human race or ability to punish or reward humans for there

moral choices or that there is any reason — other than fear — to believe in any

version of an afterlife

I will give you my piano

One of my legs

And my wife