Turning 30 Was an Eye Opener - The Murderburgers

I’m back to writing lists again

Trying not to think about my neck or wrists again

Trying not to think of anything

Trying not to think of you

Believe me, I wish that I could

I wish you would talk

I wish I could shut up

Wish that we could find a way to go back to a time way before

Every bite tasted this bitter

Before I got tired of wishing

Before you got bored

And before I started writing

Another few thousand words to let you know that I’m not doing fine

And I somehow still don’t think I’ll be a couple more teeth down the line

Because most of one half of my family is dead

Now I’m dead to most of the other half

And you keep shining hope through the crack in the door

Then whenever I get close you slam it shut

And turning 30 really opened my eyes to the fact

That I’m firmly stuck in a brand new rut

And I know it’d be easier to give in to hate

Just like it’d be easier to give up and die

Recently it’s become a choice between the two

And I can’t figure out why

So now it’s caffeine to get through the day

Sleeping pills to shut down

Then painkillers for the migraine

Day in, day out, week after week