The Collar and the Garter - Stephin Merritt

He speaks as sweetly as he can

But words do not enthrall her

They dance around the washing-pan

The collar and the garter

He tartly starts up repartee

But her retorts are smarter

She will not name a wedding day

The garter and the collar

So to and fro, and so they dance

The collar and the garter

He swears, if he should lose his love

Then love will gain a martyr

They part, and that’s the story of

The garter and the collar

He keeps his braggadocio

Through years of fall and squalor

And toasts the maid who loved him so

The collar and the garter