ex-girlfriend/racial humor - Bo Burnham

My ex-girlfriend, she was a bitch, but you know, they say, like,

if you want to know what a girl’s gonna look like, look at her mother

You know, so I am so glad I broke up with her

'Cause she would’ve been, you know… dead

Guys, I’m a realist

Okay?

I try not to romanticize reality

You know, like when life gives you lemons

You probably just found lemons

But at the same time, I don’t deny the beauty in the world

'Cause there is so much beauty because life can be so symmetrical that gives

birth to this almost silent poetry

You know, like a hermaphrodite playing the keytar

Or a young Amish boy trying to blow out the light bulbs on his birthday cake

Or, or a girl who’s terrible at grammar saying, «Mama, you raise me good,»

and then being pushed down a well

If I had a dime, oh!

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change

I’d still say no

Here’s some racial humor for you guys

White people are like this, «Ah»

Black people are like this, «Uh»

We’re destined to fight forever

Blood in the streets

Yo momma’s so fat

Yo momma’s so ugly

Yo momma’s so stupid

Your mother’s breasts sag with such severity that the late, great surrealist

artist Salvador Dali mistook them for clocks